Yielding to Life
Over the course of my pregnancy, I’ve faced on a recurring basis having to address the feeling that my life is “on hold.” Not literally, in the sense that I’ve still be working and doing a bunch to prepare for the arrival of our baby girl. However, when it comes to dreaming, taking time to plan for the future etc there has been looming in my mind a big hanging “?” This is because I don’t know what my life will look like as a parent. I don’t yet know what will shift inside me once our daughter arrives. Maybe it will be drastic, maybe it will be subtle, most likely it will be a process. One thing I know for sure is what my future holds will be redefined as it will now include her in the picture.
Alex and I will get to dream with a new piece to the puzzle of our lives. We get to go on the adventure of what it means to step into the future God has for us. We get to steward the life of one of his precious daughters. How crazy is it as a parent we get to raise up this child to be a strong, confident and healthy woman of God! It is such an honor to be a parent. In light of this, I’ve had to fight these thoughts from repeating and causing fear:
“Will I be one of those women whose identity is defined only as mom?
“Shouldn’t I already have my purpose figured out?”
“If I don’t have it figured out now, will the demands of motherhood swallow me into a dark abyss?”
“How will I keep my marriage the priority once we have someone who requires so much of our time and attention?”
Yes these are a little dramatic. I admit it. Yet these are real thoughts I’ve had. If you’re in a stage of transition (pregnancy or not), I’m sure you can relate. Transition reveals the true health and state of our soul. Truth is, discovering the answers to these questions come in two parts. First part being that my future will be what I chose to make it. I get to determine the course. My husband and I get to grow into the parents we desire to be. It is going to take a process. Just because I have these fears doesn’t mean I’m victim or ruled by them.
Second part, is recognizing where there are old wounds, beliefs, bitterness and un-forgiveness that have trapped me and kept me at this level. Being in what feels like the deep breath before the new season, I can see this is the best time for me to deal with these. I get the last few weeks to clean house in my heart and make room for the new fun, trials and adventures that await me and my growing family.
The beauty of this stage that I am offered another opportunity to step into surrender to the process. It is not an easy thing to do, but one that is so very important. Releasing control, identifying fear, casting it out, and replacing it with God’s truth and presence. These are all key elements. There is so much I could dive into on those topics alone, but felt that for this week to encourage you specifically with this truth: “While you may feel like your life is on hold, what is really going on is the preparation for massive expansion.”
Don’t confuse the stillness of what is going on in the life around you for something that is boring or insignificant. In fact, be grateful for the lack of distractions you have that afford you the emotional bandwidth to dig into those places that you’ve left unresolved for so long. That has been my perspective shift and it has made all the difference for how I feel about this phase. I find that if we are willing to boldly face these times instead of avoiding them, what will happen is we not only move onto the new season, but are promoted to a new level of confidence, authority, purpose and influence as we move forward.
We all love the idea each of those proposes, but are we willing to pay the price? The price looks a lot like humility, surrender, and diving into the deep in bold faith (which often comes packaged in opportunities that seem risky). Are you ready to dive into the deep?