A Little Confession

I get caught up in emotions so often I have lost track. Usually over things that are mere distractions.  What say do your emotions have? When I let emotions take control of my decisions it yields a less than desirable outcome.  Emotions should never take the lead in our lives.  However, they do have a voice that should be accounted for. My emotions and yours carry weight.  They are the feedback we need to see the areas we are in the most need of God and growth.  They let us know if we’re crossing boundaries or if others have crossed ours,  they indicate our maturity level, and what our heart desires. The sticky thing with emotions is that they are not always the truth. They can be contrary to the will of God in our lives.  We can have the peace of God for a specific decision and simultaneously have emotions that are contrary to that peace. God’s peace adds a clarity in the midst of an emotional storm, it does not however wipe out emotions.  Even in the face of tumultuous emotions you can still see the path He has for you, not the one you’re trying to fabricate out of your own strength.

It has been a while since my last post for this reason.  I have faced emotions I was not expecting in this writing journey.  Even with just the few posts I have written to this point I see more the weakness and flaws in my character and maturity than I thought this process could stir up. I have so much farther to go than I originally thought. At the same time I see I have a MUCH greater advantage than I first realized as well.  I may have a new awareness of my shortcomings in skill, character, experience, and focus.  However, God has also revealed His presence in a new and fresh way that trumps all of that.

This journey is about me holding to His word by being diligent with it daily.  I have to take what He reveals to me to heart. I initially claimed that this blog was to accompany my writing process for my book. To be transparent I only have about 3 worthwhile pages of my book written, among a bunch of other brainstorming.  In the 4 months of this year that have already past that will not produce a book, rather an essay by the end of this year. What writing I have done to this point was to feel like on some level I was being obedient, without giving my all.  Or to put it another way, be ALL IN!

In the devotional book “Draw the Circle” by Mark Batterson, God challenged me with the very scripture I have written about and brought up a few times. It is 2 Corinthians 10:5 which says, “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Batterson talks about how most of the time we take this scripture for the negative connotation. Meaning we hold captive the negative thoughts and make them obedient to Christ. Cancelling them when they are contrary to God’s word. What about the thoughts that are from God. We must hold them captive as well right? We don’t want them to escape our grasp so they no longer have life or someone to tend to them.  The dreams and will of God that He places in our hearts and minds must be held tightly and tended to with obedience.  If we don’t do it then God will find another who accepts His call.  When the voice of God comes in and speaks to us we are to put to action joyfully our faith by being obedient to His will.

The reason for my inconsistency in writing the book is from a lack of one simple thing.  Having a plan and sticking to it. It does not mean the specific how to’s are rigid, but that there is enough commitment to lay out a path and stick to it no matter what. I have had to dig in and decide that nothing will get me to sway from God’s call on my life.  When I start to think “How will I find the energy?” I remember He is the energy source, the God breathed power behind this dream is what put it into motion in the first place. That does not mean obstacles will not come. In fact, I expect obstacles to come and see them as confirmation I’m on the right track versus hindrances or a “sign” that I should not be doing this.

You see there is a pattern I have fallen into and I am sure many of you as well, where when we face obstacles after experiencing God move powerfully in our lives we start to second guess and loosen our grip on the thought God placed in our minds.  Obedience wanes as doubt creeps in.  It is not easy to sit here and write this confession of disobedience and laziness.  The performer inside me hates that this is what my journey has looked like to this point.  If I give weight to the voice that says “see you’re already failing at this, quit while the cost is still small” I will then be not only disobedient to God but leave unfulfilled the assignment He made me for.  That thought is more stomach turning than any objections, criticism or challenges I will face.  I’d hate to make it to heaven and when I meet God have to explain why I did not trust Him enough to follow His promptings. I have a Godly fear of not stepping into His destiny for me more so than what adventures or challenges this journey will deal out.  He called me to it so on this path I will draw closer to my Lord and savior.  That is worth it right there.

Will you join me and accept His call to go ALL IN for the journey our God has called us to?  Lord knows, we all need accountability and encouragement, so let us be in this adventure together!