Benched by Insecurity
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text disable_pattern="true" align="left" margin_bottom="0"]Today I am going to go ahead and share what I would rather not. This is with the intent not to air my dirty laundry but to encourage those of you who have felt the same way to realize a new perspective as I have this month. Over and over again I have found myself in a situation where I’m in a group of people and yet somehow incredibly withdrawn and more alone than I feel when I am physically alone. Here is a snap shot of what happens. Conversations begin and things seemingly go smooth for a while and then there is a lull in the flow. I look to see where I can participate usually to find that I have to interject myself into a conversation by tuning in and waiting. I struggle to not feel unwanted in the conversation. The chatter in my head begins to pick up volume and tenacity. I feel like a burden in that convo so I try to move to one where I am a better fit. Again same result with the chatter of lies increasing even more. My default when the noise just gets too much is to shut off and simply watch conversations from the “sidelines.” The action of the game gets more intense than I know how to handle so I have to be “subbed out.”
Here is the thing, all of that is my perception of reality. From past situations I have been in and the choices I made in those moments, to how my personality is wired I have established an unhealthy habit of thinking during social situations. That is all it is. A habit. It is not God’s truth for me but it is strong enough that I will shift my gaze from focusing on God in the moment where insecurity creeps in and shift it to my feelings. It is then the facts of past situations come to mind and I allow fear to keep me in this “safe zone.” This “safe zone” is not truly safe just familiar. Fear stands like a referee trying to keep me in the penalty box out of the action. But in reality it is just a spectator in ref’s clothing.
The distraction tactic of moments of insecurity is where the danger lies. All of my focus in these moments goes onto myself. Where is God in this picture? That is I believe the most powerful question we can ask ourselves in the moments where we find ourselves trapped in insecurity. When you do this you will be revived with the fact that God is beside you, encouraging you, forever interceding for you. You are able and equipped to be fully present but will you be bold enough to step out and push the fake referee out of the way and enter the game? Your heavenly father is for you, Jesus came and died for you, and he the very Holy spirit of God is with you in every moment. With God before you, who can be against you? Even the often highly distracting and intense reality of emotions must bow. Even the direst facts in this present moment must bow in the presence of the Lord. In this moment, and any moment you need to be freed from the penalty box of insecurity go ask this question of God, “Where are you in this moment?.” Wait until you hear that loving and still voice. The feelings will still be there that is not the point. But watch as you obey what He says, shifting your focus away from your emotions and in that moment the fear slowly will begin to creep back into the crowd and the stands where he belongs.
Get on the field my friend! The fun of this life is lived on the field. Insecurity will be an ever present voice, but choose not to give it influence over your actions. Instead press into the direction, correction, love, and wisdom of your heavenly coach. Who is always there, but is your focus fixed to see and hear Him in this moment?
This is what I’m in the practice of doing every time I step into a social situation. It may not be big groups for you, you may thrive there. Maybe it is in one on one settings or maybe any time you have to do public speaking. The situation does not matter but I know no matter who you are insecurity will be there. Accept that truth but do not embrace it. Rather press back and quarantine that insecurity! You get to choose to switch the voice who has the floor in your mind. After all as a Christian our life is to be lived for Christ. Why not have His voice be the one we listen to above ALL others?!