[mk_dropcaps style="fancy-style"]U[/mk_dropcaps]nderneath all the activities, events and work I’ve done over the past few months there is one lesson I have begun to walk out: “You can’t live out your divine calling when you’re consumed with meeting the expectations of yourself and others.” Honestly, that is how I have been operating since I can remember. I have lived under the illusion that if you meet your expectations and others things will be great. Let me tell you… it’s not so great.
Now how the heck do you change the frame work you’ve lived on for years? To be transparent, I’m still figuring it out. But the one word God reminds me of to keep taking that next step is TRUST. You see because of various situations in my life I found security in fulfilling expectations. It felt good that each time I said I would do something, I did it. If others noticed it was even better. Almost to the point of addiction. My value became wrapped in my performance. Which, I’ll be honest is exhausting. Sometimes I just wanted a break from it. Well God is gracious like that and will force a break from ungodly expectations if we won’t do it ourselves. That is what the last few months have been for me I could not keep operating as I always had. It was time to switch out of this performance cycle to discover where my value really comes from.
God’s design is that we find our value in HIM not in our works. This comes from encountering His love not in idea, but intimately. In those areas of our hearts that are broken, wounded, that carry shame and guilt. The pieces of our past that when we think of cast a dark shadow over us. Trust is not something you can see. We can fool ourselves to believe this to be true. I tried to for years. Now I’m committed to the free fall of trust so I can discover this for myself. It’s a blind journey. It requires being ok with more questions than you have answers. Believing that God is with us and that is all we need. Knowing that as we lean on Him NOT on our own understanding (like it says in Proverbs 3:3-5) that He will make our path straight.
[mk_blockquote style="line-style" font_family="none" text_size="16" align="center"]Caution! If you want to be free of the oppression and condemning voice of performance you are going to have to make peace with the fact that the way of trust feels like a FREE FALL.[/mk_blockquote]
Picture it… It’s like jumping out of a plane without the safety of a parachute. You have nothing to grab a hold of tangibly that will reinforce “This is going to turn out ok,”. Rather it requires you willingly leave behind EVERY single safety you have used in the past. The free fall will only happen when you take God at His word that He is our supernatural safety net. That when you let Him lead it is taking the free fall knowing not only will He catch you, but you will launch higher and go farther than on your own. I call this the supernatural trampoline effect (silly I know). But to live a life that has bold child like faith it seems to fit perfectly. Any free fall is scare you silly at the start. Yet, the more you willingly take the leap the more fulfilling, joyful, satisfying, and miraculous your life will become.
This isn't me sugar coating how the journey of trust. Nor do I claim to know in it’s entirety what it means to live a life in a perpetual free fall of trust. What I do know is that it can feel like your life as you know know it is ending when you begin to fully trust in God. Not because it is terrible, but because it pushes you out of your comfort zone. Its an internal battle that isn't talked about enough because it isn't something you can measure or gauge this side of heaven. It is a journey where there are no guard rails, no helmets, no back up safety measures. Just Jesus. It’s crazy exhilarating. I'm learning as I'm beginning to lean into the free fall that it is what gets you to break out of the dull routine of the status quo.
I’m noticing that the more I trust, the more sure I become of living outside of what the world would expect of me. It has freed up space in my heart and mind to more deeply seek God. To learn to listen to what He is speaking to me and to His people.
Now a question for you… will you join me in the free fall of trust? It’s scary, downright confusing at times. (I’m really selling it aren’t I?) Seriously though, somehow there is a peace that covers all of those feelings of being out of control. It is evidence that you have submitted your life to God. That you are willing to make moves that are so terrifying you wouldn’t do them if you didn’t have the assurance of knowing God was with you. It is a free fall!