Pause

[mk_dropcaps style="fancy-style"]A[/mk_dropcaps]s I write this, I am in the process and nearing the end of moving.  We will be moving all of my stuff into the apartment that Alex and I will be living in after we are married.  That means, for the next month, I will be a glorified squatter at my friend’s home.  I am not a fan of moving.  You with me!?  But add to it that this move marks a massive transition in my life and it feels extra daunting.  I’m type A; what can I say?  Order brings me peace and when my physical world is in disorder, I feel it emotionally. Part of this moving process has included putting things on Craigslist to sell.  Two of the most important points that help you sell an item are being able to define the condition and value of the item.  Shocking, right?  But hang with me for a second.  It hit me that while it can be tricky to classify this for a Craigslist ad, the one most important thing to know the condition and value of is of ourselves.

Think about it.  Do you really know the depth and scope of your strengths the way God made you?  Do you know the purposes for which He made them?  Do you know your value?

Those are questions that this transition of marriage has brought to the surface - almost like a neon flashing sign in my mind.  You see, as a highly competitive person, I have lived my life focusing on being good at what people told me to be good at, or doing whatever was required of me to be the best at each sport/endeavor I was in.  I got so caught up in giving my best within those confines that I never stopped to take in my true strengths, unique condition, and value.

It is hard for me to write this, but I am going to put a pause on writing to you for the next two months.  For all the work I have done to this point, I can’t help but think that whatever momentum I have created will take a step back.  This break is forcing my competitive side would normally keep pushing and pushing until something is done to actually hit the pause button.  

For once in my life I am going to stop competing for a season.  I am sure I will do a terrible job at first, but I want to soak up every experience and event of my wedding.  Plus, living a life with self-imposed stress of ceaseless competitiveness is not the way I want to live going forward.  After all, I am only doing this once.  One wedding.  One life.  All of it.  I want to be the best wife I can be, but not so much so that in my drive to pursue that I forget to slow down and actually enjoy being a wife.  You see, however strong my competitiveness is, it does not help me to better define my condition and value.  Only God gets that power and authority.

So while I’m in this pause from writing, my mission is to seek even GREATER intimacy with God.  I can’t adequately communicate to you what revelation He has given me already in this arena.  Basically for the first time, I don’t just know the Lord sees me as His daughter, I am beginning to actually feel it.  That is true revelation.  It is not just knowledge but a sense of knowing that is deeply rooted in my heart.

It is my prayer that you join me in seeking greater intimacy with God.  Not to know Him as someone far and distant but as friend, counselor, teacher, and most of all our Father in Heaven.  So, until March, take some time daily to pause and ask the Holy Spirit to show you how He sees you.  You will find that the condition He sees you in is “beautiful.”  Your value is nothing short of being His beloved kid.  You are infinitely more loved and valued than you know.  It can be hard to accept but I assure you as we spend our lives struggling to put to use such a gift of intimacy and knowing your value, we will see Heaven here on Earth.

Thank you for the honor it has already been to have access to the space in your mind and your heart as you read my posts.  Until April…

Ro_Sig